Tag: Communication

Throwing A Lifeline

Imperfect Perceptions

Earlier this week, I had  Mike Rowe’s podcast playing in my car while I was running errands. I tend to like most of what he does, and I wound up just sitting in the car at my destination to finish listening to this particular episode (which, for the record, was #173: Visiting Hours).

Without giving too much away (because it’s worth a listen) the episode focuses on the idea that letters from home are one of the lifelines soldiers hold onto when they’re deployed in foreign territory, far away from everything they know. It underscores an idea I’ve talked about before, which is that written communications hold a special place in our relationships.

Then, today, I saw a Facebook post where a friend asked, “what has 2020 meant to you, in one word?” My own word came readily to mind, but I was genuinely curious to see how others responded to this question. This has been such an odd year. We’re all out of sorts, and most of us are living with changes that we would never have envisioned one short year ago.

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Rebalance

Imperfect Perceptions

Given the amount of time since my last post, I suppose that some of you have been wondering whether I’d fallen into the abyss. That’s actually not the case. Quite the opposite, in fact—I’ve been out exploring new frontiers.

It’s required some lifestyle changes that have meant a redesign of my schedule, however, and I’ve been left with quite a bit less free time. I am still here, and writing, it’s just that not much (read: none) of it seems to have made its way to this blog.

Please forgive my absence. I’ve spent the last couple of months trying to find equilibrium. I think things must be leveling out, however, because today, for the first time in quite a while, I got an idea for a new blog. I’ll try to get it written up and posted this week, barring unforeseen scheduling conflicts.

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Heavy Lifting

Imperfect Perceptions

I recently published an article in Forbes titled “How to Cultivate Mental Toughness In Uncertain Times”. I hadn’t put up a blog about it until now because I’ve spent the last couple of weeks thinking about this concept and how it applies all through our lives.

The primary reason I focused on this topic to begin with was that I was hearing from so many friends about how precarious they feel their balancing act is during these weeks of social distancing. People are facing brand-new professional, financial, relationship and parenting challenges—all at once, on a large scale—and it’s taking a toll.

No doubt about it, quarantine has turned many of our lives upside down. I think, however, that we have to be very careful and not forget that in the midst of all this, people are also experiencing hardships that have absolutely nothing to do with this virus, or quarantine. They’re dealing with past traumas, new illnesses, and losses of all kinds.

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So Emotional

Imperfect Perceptions

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”– Edward Everett Hale

Emotional intelligence—sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ—is the ability to recognize and manage both your own and other’s emotions. Two researchers, Peter Salavoy and John Mayer, developed the concept in the 1990s, and used it to define and improve communication within marriages.

Over time, it’s become clear how emotional intelligence is critical to maintaining relationships in their various iterations, including those we foster in the business world. The concept is of such interest to employers that it’s being researched extensively to gain a better understanding of its impact on leadership and success. (Data shows EQ is the number one predictor of performance. You can see my Forbes article on that topic here.)

Emotional intelligence is more important than ever right now, because it feels a little bit like we’re living in a world under siege. It’s not just about the threat (and reality) of this specific virus. We’re all operating under new pressures. Millions of people have had to change how they function at work and are trying to juggle personal and professional obligations in a world that’s no longer compartmentalized. Millions more have lost their jobs or businesses entirely because of forced closures. How will they pay their bills?

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Mis(sed) Communication

Imperfect Perceptions

We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists… in the loved one, perfection. – Sidney Poitier

I come back to the topic of communication again and again on this blog, because I find its psychology and the role it plays in each of our lives to be fascinating. Communication, or lack thereof, can make or break the most significant relationships in our lives because it’s very easy to get things wrong. To misinterpret. To send or receive things in a way that was never intended.

There are so many interesting facets to communication that I’ve been reading a textbook on it over the last several weeks. (No, I’m not taking a class. Yes, I’m reading it for self-edification. Stop rolling your eyes. I happen to know I can use all the understanding I can get on this particular subject.)

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Life, Interrupted

Imperfect Perceptions

“Be unprepared, that’s my motto. Let life surprise you.”― Marty Rubin

One of my favorite topics of discussion is communication; it’s benefits and pitfalls, and how it sometimes goes by the wayside when we’re pressed for time or exhausted by the demands of everyday life.

Point in case: this blog. I’ve not posted anything recently because life has gotten in the way, as it tends to do. This month has been full of surprises and insanely busy. It’s also been immeasurably precious, and given the opportunity, I’d spend my hours in exactly the same way a thousand times over.

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Hostage to Negotiation

Imperfect Perceptions

I’ve spent many hours this month researching the topic of financial negotiation as it applies to women in the workplace. The data is thought-provoking, especially when you consider leadership competency and education. (If you’re interested in seeing why effective negotiation is critical to career success, especially for women, you can see that Forbes article here.)

One main concept I gleaned from this work is that most people (both men and women) express discomfort with the idea of having to negotiate things like a salary or benefits at a new job. In fact, any transaction where finances are involved becomes instantly more stressful when you add a negotiation component into the mix.

Here’s an example: In a highly scientific straw poll I conducted this week, most people said the excitement of purchasing a new car is dampened by the idea that they’ll have to negotiate the price. The effect is two-fold. They (1) hate having to haggle, and (2) always walk away feeling as though they could have done better. After all, if the other party agreed to the current terms, what else might they have agreed to?

You’d think we’d all be experts at this negotiation thing, given that we’re all doing it, all the time, in every aspect of our lives. Oh, sure, we don’t always call it that— we may call it bargaining, compromise, or conflict resolution, but it all amounts to the same thing.

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Rooted In Confidence

Imperfect Perceptions

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E.E. Cummings

I published an article earlier this year that discussed the idea that a lack of confidence is limiting women’s career trajectories. In short, women tend to project less confidence in their abilities than their male counterparts (even when they’re highly skilled) and are less likely to take professional risks, call attention to their successes, or ask for raises and promotions.

It occurred to me that a lack of confidence is not something that just appears in adulthood; it begins much earlier. Further research proved the idea-  a recent study finds that between the ages of 8 and 14, girls’ confidence levels drop by 30%.

Our daughters’ confidence levels begin to drop when they are just eight years old. Let that sink in.

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An Ounce of Stress Prevention

Imperfect Perceptions

There’s some really interesting research out there on stress and the physical, emotional and mental toll it takes on us. You’re not the only one feeling it’s effects: up to 90% of doctor’s visits are now for stress-related issues.

As I poured through information on life’s most stressful circumstances, it seemed a large number of them fall into three specific categories, and that’s what I’ve written about this month in Forbes: how to reduce common types of stress and feel better.

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Be Reasonable!

Imperfect Perceptions

I came to parenting the way most of us do – knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.- Mayim Balik

The teen years. You just start to feel like you’re settling into this parenting thing, and then all the rules change. Overnight, it becomes a balancing act of keeping your kids safe while still allowing them enough independence to learn, grow and become fully-functioning adults.

Sometimes it feels like things are moving a mile a minute, and you wish life would just slow down. But that’s not how it works… for them, or for you. This is when your children get a crash course in the dynamics of relationships, and what it takes to maintain (or destroy) them.

I think that’s why a lot of parents agonize over “dating policies” for their children. For good or ill, we know that the romantic entanglements of youth provide lessons they’ll carry over into adulthood, and we want so desperately to provide the right guidance.

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