Heliotrope

Imperfect Perceptions

“Some people are so much sunshine to the square inch.”– Walt Whitman

I’ve never been afraid of starting over. I enjoy new experiences and have never had too much difficulty moving to a new place because I love being a part of the ebb and flow of life within a community’s boundaries.

Nearly seven years ago, my family had the opportunity to relocate to a beautiful region in the Pacific Northwest—and we jumped at the chance. It was the fulfillment of a dream, as we were finally able to purchase property and develop it as we saw fit.

We moved to the area during the summer, and those first few months were a whirlwind. There was so much work to be done, cleaning, repairing and upgrading the property, that we spent little time doing anything else. We were so busy with those things, in fact, that I never really gave a thought toward integrating into the community itself.

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Throwing A Lifeline

Imperfect Perceptions

Earlier this week, I had  Mike Rowe’s podcast playing in my car while I was running errands. I tend to like most of what he does, and I wound up just sitting in the car at my destination to finish listening to this particular episode (which, for the record, was #173: Visiting Hours).

Without giving too much away (because it’s worth a listen) the episode focuses on the idea that letters from home are one of the lifelines soldiers hold onto when they’re deployed in foreign territory, far away from everything they know. It underscores an idea I’ve talked about before, which is that written communications hold a special place in our relationships.

Then, today, I saw a Facebook post where a friend asked, “what has 2020 meant to you, in one word?” My own word came readily to mind, but I was genuinely curious to see how others responded to this question. This has been such an odd year. We’re all out of sorts, and most of us are living with changes that we would never have envisioned one short year ago.

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Rebalance

Imperfect Perceptions

Given the amount of time since my last post, I suppose that some of you have been wondering whether I’d fallen into the abyss. That’s actually not the case. Quite the opposite, in fact—I’ve been out exploring new frontiers.

It’s required some lifestyle changes that have meant a redesign of my schedule, however, and I’ve been left with quite a bit less free time. I am still here, and writing, it’s just that not much (read: none) of it seems to have made its way to this blog.

Please forgive my absence. I’ve spent the last couple of months trying to find equilibrium. I think things must be leveling out, however, because today, for the first time in quite a while, I got an idea for a new blog. I’ll try to get it written up and posted this week, barring unforeseen scheduling conflicts.

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Under Water

Imperfect Perceptions

“Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim.” ― Tyler Knott Gregson

I have tried, as a matter of course, to stay away from the discussion of all things political and societal on my own social media over the last several months, simply because I feel like enough people are already talking about these things. I have nothing new or especially significant to contribute.

This past week, however, I did post one small item that went mostly unnoticed, with the exception of one commenter who brought up some salient points about the contents of the article. I try mightily to stick with the idea of “try being informed instead of just opinionated”, so my response was that I thought the topic deserved more reading with those thoughts in mind.

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Rate of Exchange

Imperfect Perceptions


“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.”- Emily Kimbrough

I’ve been sort of floundering around over the past few weeks, trying to come up with a topic worthy of discussion, and failing miserably. I’ve decided it’s because my musings here tend to be rooted in conversations I have with friends in the normal course of life…and there’s been far too little time spent lately with some of the people who inspire me and make me think.

Because our house is still practicing social distancing, the precious little socializing I have been able to do has taken on a very special quality. When I saw a friend recently after months apart, I was surprised by the depth of the emotional reaction I had to seeing her in person again. I mean, I’ll be honest, I always feel a little bit like I’m getting away with something in my friendships; like I’m getting the better end of the deal without the other person quite being aware of it. That feeling is even more pronounced now, because I feel the absence of these interactions so keenly.

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Heavy Lifting

Imperfect Perceptions

I recently published an article in Forbes titled “How to Cultivate Mental Toughness In Uncertain Times”. I hadn’t put up a blog about it until now because I’ve spent the last couple of weeks thinking about this concept and how it applies all through our lives.

The primary reason I focused on this topic to begin with was that I was hearing from so many friends about how precarious they feel their balancing act is during these weeks of social distancing. People are facing brand-new professional, financial, relationship and parenting challenges—all at once, on a large scale—and it’s taking a toll.

No doubt about it, quarantine has turned many of our lives upside down. I think, however, that we have to be very careful and not forget that in the midst of all this, people are also experiencing hardships that have absolutely nothing to do with this virus, or quarantine. They’re dealing with past traumas, new illnesses, and losses of all kinds.

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So Emotional

Imperfect Perceptions

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”– Edward Everett Hale

Emotional intelligence—sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ—is the ability to recognize and manage both your own and other’s emotions. Two researchers, Peter Salavoy and John Mayer, developed the concept in the 1990s, and used it to define and improve communication within marriages.

Over time, it’s become clear how emotional intelligence is critical to maintaining relationships in their various iterations, including those we foster in the business world. The concept is of such interest to employers that it’s being researched extensively to gain a better understanding of its impact on leadership and success. (Data shows EQ is the number one predictor of performance. You can see my Forbes article on that topic here.)

Emotional intelligence is more important than ever right now, because it feels a little bit like we’re living in a world under siege. It’s not just about the threat (and reality) of this specific virus. We’re all operating under new pressures. Millions of people have had to change how they function at work and are trying to juggle personal and professional obligations in a world that’s no longer compartmentalized. Millions more have lost their jobs or businesses entirely because of forced closures. How will they pay their bills?

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Mis(sed) Communication

Imperfect Perceptions

We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists… in the loved one, perfection. – Sidney Poitier

I come back to the topic of communication again and again on this blog, because I find its psychology and the role it plays in each of our lives to be fascinating. Communication, or lack thereof, can make or break the most significant relationships in our lives because it’s very easy to get things wrong. To misinterpret. To send or receive things in a way that was never intended.

There are so many interesting facets to communication that I’ve been reading a textbook on it over the last several weeks. (No, I’m not taking a class. Yes, I’m reading it for self-edification. Stop rolling your eyes. I happen to know I can use all the understanding I can get on this particular subject.)

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Life, Interrupted

Imperfect Perceptions

“Be unprepared, that’s my motto. Let life surprise you.”― Marty Rubin

One of my favorite topics of discussion is communication; it’s benefits and pitfalls, and how it sometimes goes by the wayside when we’re pressed for time or exhausted by the demands of everyday life.

Point in case: this blog. I’ve not posted anything recently because life has gotten in the way, as it tends to do. This month has been full of surprises and insanely busy. It’s also been immeasurably precious, and given the opportunity, I’d spend my hours in exactly the same way a thousand times over.

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Hostage to Negotiation

Imperfect Perceptions

I’ve spent many hours this month researching the topic of financial negotiation as it applies to women in the workplace. The data is thought-provoking, especially when you consider leadership competency and education. (If you’re interested in seeing why effective negotiation is critical to career success, especially for women, you can see that Forbes article here.)

One main concept I gleaned from this work is that most people (both men and women) express discomfort with the idea of having to negotiate things like a salary or benefits at a new job. In fact, any transaction where finances are involved becomes instantly more stressful when you add a negotiation component into the mix.

Here’s an example: In a highly scientific straw poll I conducted this week, most people said the excitement of purchasing a new car is dampened by the idea that they’ll have to negotiate the price. The effect is two-fold. They (1) hate having to haggle, and (2) always walk away feeling as though they could have done better. After all, if the other party agreed to the current terms, what else might they have agreed to?

You’d think we’d all be experts at this negotiation thing, given that we’re all doing it, all the time, in every aspect of our lives. Oh, sure, we don’t always call it that— we may call it bargaining, compromise, or conflict resolution, but it all amounts to the same thing.

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